Baseball fans everywhere furious to know players are cheating

by Fred Hofstetter on September 6, 2017

The Boston Red Sox were caught cheating. They've been using Apple watches to steal signs. MLB fans around the league are furious to know about it.

The Red Sox have been stealing signs using Apple watches. The cheating is bad; the knowing is worse.

The New York Times is reporting a new scandal in Major League Baseball: The Boston Red Sox have been caught using Apple watches to steal signs to win a competitive advantage against the New York Yankees – and several other teams. The investigation has been under way for weeks after Yankees GM Brian Cashman filed an official complaint with the commissioner’s office, citing a video shot in the Red Sox dugout presumably displaying the heinous indignity.

Area man Philip Reynolds of Cleveland, Ohio, 34, explains the manner of cheating isn’t nearly as egregious as him having to know about it. “I mean, I know baseball players cheat,” Reynolds said. “But having to actually know that they cheat? It’s outrageous. MLB needs to take swift action against these scoundrels.” Reynolds added, “My favorite players – the ones I really look up to – are those who know how to cheat without my kids having to find out about it.”

Studies have shown fans who are made aware of cheating in Major League Baseball are much more frustrated than those who remain ignorant to the deception:

Stealing signs in and of itself is nothing new in baseball. Since there’s been a bat and glove and those willing to wield them, teams have taken every measure necessary to get a leg up on their opponents. There’s an appreciation of gamesmanship and crafty maneuvers like the hidden ball trick or capitalizing on an umpire’s liberal strike zone. But introducing technology into the equation crosses the line.

“What happened to the game I loved?” exclaims long-time baseball enthusiast Harold Wilson, 66. “Back when baseball was baseball, if you wanted to cheat you had to earn it. You couldn’t use some fancy electronic smartbox. These kids nowadays just don’t get it. If you wanted to cheat your team to a win, you’d have to be creative. The 1919 White Sox? Now those were real cheaters.”

MLB players must exhibit the highest morality and never reveal their true nature

Baseball players are, above all, representatives of their community. They’re not out there grinding every day for the riches, glory, women, fame, attention, or momentary adrenaline-fueled immortalic fantasy. More than anything, baseball players sweat it out for their city and country. They represent every last citizen of the United States – from our esteemed leadership in Washington D.C. to every hard-working blue collar union worker in every city of our fine nation. Ordinary people around the world work tirelessly around the clock to conceal their lies and deceit to those around them, and those who get caught are never, ever allowed to forget it. Our baseball teams must be held to the same standard.

The American people agree: MLB must punish the Red Sox for exposing them to cheating and implement mandatory procedures to conceal cheating in the future.